more rolls than a bakery

pinterest told me i was fat again today.  i was like, that’s it.  you and i are going to tango.  i mean, what do you call this anyways?

well don’t worry about it too long, because they’re actually labeled for you.  the one on the left is a “pooch” and the one on the right is a “mommy tummy.”  obviously, you have a condition.  or worse yet, a uterus.  (they’re always up to no good.)  so, quietly wondering to myself, i was trying to think if there was ever a time when the female body was really respected, for what it was.  when it wasn’t stuffed, prodded, laced, starved, pushed up, sucked in, etc.  and while i would like to think that they didn’t lace jane austin up like a sausage, i do have my suspicions.  still, the empire waist seems like the very definition of happiness.  other than that brief respite, i’m drawing a blank.  thinking a little longer i decided to peg the consistent abuse on two things.  one, we’re dumb.  and two, we’re easily prey to discontent.  all satan has to do is produce fashion plates and we take care of the rest.  even if it’s insane stupid.

seriously, that look was sheer genius on his part.  and to think people fell for it.  my motto is love what the good lord gave you.  and wear clothes, that for once in the last thousand years, actually respect it.  god looked at what he had made and said it was good.  but that’s just me, i’m past the point of caring.  do you know who has really flat stomachs?  nine year olds.  right.  reading the caption for the “pooch,” it said that this person is probably a busy mom, and probably even a slave to the gym, but still has that curious part of the female anatomy: a tummy.  can we really be so brain-washed as to think we have to look like pre-pubescents into our 40’s?  cuz i think that’s creepy.  have some dignity.  think of it this way, the people who think they have to do hundreds of sit-ups and have a washboard stomach, before they “look the way they’re supposed to,” are the same people who have been lining up to buy corsets since the 16th century.  the only good whale, is a dead whale.  preach it.

i’ve also been thinking through this last pregnancy, how curious it is that my husband never stops liking me through all of these stages. which is no surprise, because my husband always likes me.  heaven help us.  we should be more concerned about getting them to stop.  a friend’s husband commented to his pregnant wife, “this is great!  make baby, make more of everything!”  amen.  the disconnect between what the world tells you sexy looks like, and what god has told man sexy looks like is quite different.  god gave man a woman and said, “this is what beautiful looks like, this is who you should desire – your wife.”  and then satan hands him a pin-up of a barren woman who looks like she’s been filling in for john henry, and says, “no, you’re quite mistaken, this is who you should desire.”  and at the same time turns to us and says, “you are not desirable, until you look like this.”  so don’t buy it.  kick him in the shins and run.

love your body, love what god made it to do.  dress in a way that honors it and doesn’t make it hang out over the top. and whatever you do, don’t complain about your weight.  let your doctor tell you whether you are healthy or not, not someone selling breakfast in a bottle or hot pants.  as for me, i think i’m a little interested in redefining fashion.  is it even conceivable that a woman could wear something in such a way that made her assets look as such?  could you honor your curves, and honor what your body does, rather than rushing out with the rest of them to heave it under the bus?  and i’m not really talking about weight, so much as shape.  as americans, we generally do have a problem with weight and being too sedentary.  so go ahead and fix it.  just don’t expect it to change your anatomy.

                  

i was tooling around on etsy looking for clothes that don’t try to redefine the female shape.  it’s called a natural waist because an artificial one is just that.  it’s amazing how many styles are based on the concept of women having the flat stomach of a seventeen year old male.  and if you haven’t noticed, even they’re having a hard time with it these days.  women’s clothes should be full, free, feminine, comfortable, with room to breathe and move, or perhaps even make it through the first trimester without the usual crises.  that, and you should be able to curl up on the couch with the kids without bulging out somewhere.  you should be able to get up from a chair without having to hitch everything back into place.  or be able to comet out the tub without showing six inches of crack.  there should be this understated sense of ease, confidence, comfort, freedom, and contentment in the way we dress.  only because i don’t think “svelte” should have half as much sex appeal as “secure.”  because dissatisfaction isn’t hot.  it’s annoying.  your husband doesn’t want you to be constantly pointing out your pot gut, complaining about how ugly you are, how many pounds you’ve gained, or how old you’re getting.  he just wants you to be happy.  pleasant.  and not, how my husband puts it, evil.

being fat is one thing.  but being shaped like a woman, and carrying the luggage that comes from being a fruitful woman, is another.  god called us to be fruitful.  he loves life and the sacrifice that comes with giving it.  satan doesn’t.  which is why there is full on war against the tummy.  beat the bulge.  with a big fat stick.  don’t you know, you *have* to fit in those jeans.  (uhm, no you don’t.)  even plus size models have to pack their wares in just the right spots.  you never *see* normally shaped women.  and it’s not because the human race has any sense of modesty these days.  it’s because we’ve bought the lie.  so much that we’ve collectively forgotten what women look like.  and somehow it leaves us all feeling as though we are the lonely, shameful, exceptions.  which is why i think this article was so heartwarming to so many women when it came out.  she has 180 pounds,  a tummy, and yet she’s beautiful.  more than that, she has that radiance of a full heart.  i want to be that.  seasons come and  go, our body changes, but there is never anything so beautiful as a contented and happy woman.

for what it’s worth, i think it’s time to step back from the fashion plates a little, and live in the freedom that christ gives us.  the whole history of fashion has been rife with insanity and foolishness.   (need i say 18 inch waists, horeshair bustle pads, crinolines, floor length skirts, and maternity corsets?)  and when, during the entire history of the world, were women ever expected to have abs anyways?  it just makes me want to fan myself thinking about it.  we live in an era where anything goes, but we still want to subject ourselves to the arbitrary whims of culture.  just for kicks.  nah, break out a little.  you don’t have to suck it in anymore.  my guess is that that’s actually supposed to be there.  chill.