syon park

we came back into london a little early to visit syon house.  marc had read about it in school and was excited to see it in person.  and i was like, “gee, that’s nice honey.”  looks kind of like one of those tastefully done faux stucco castles i’ve always wanted.

let’s just say it didn’t throw the interior designer back any.  i really liked how he re-sized and re-proportioned the rooms, via optical illusion or otherwise, to first give everything perfect ratios.  i mean, that’s what math’s good for.  and then he saddled up and went to town.

after walking in the front door you would walk up the raised entry to the ante room.  also known as the scrotum room.  i counted.  there were about 15.  and it wasn’t subtle.  i think there is some kind of design theory i am missing out on here.  i mean, i don’t even have one in my living room, not to mention my whole house.  but this is going to change at the first available opportunity, i assure you.  i’m not one to be outdone.

from there you entered some kind of man cave.  you can’t see, but all the little panels on the ceiling were painted with naked chicks.  i guess this was before tv.  so if you ever got bored you could kick back, smoke, and stare at the ceiling.  curse you cable, the end of an era.

luckily robert adam was a bit of a gentleman, and insisted on buffering the ladies and gentleman’s parlors by the state dining room.  where nudity was kept at a discrete minimum and everyone had their pants on.

through the next set of doors was the long gallery for the ladies.  the functional equivalent of a treadmill.  that’s right.  the men smoked, stared at the wall paper, and drank, while the women ran laps.  i know, awesome.

while we were there we got to see the paint samples they were testing on the walls, trying to match the original colors.   and while you may find current color palette tasteful, robert is with me on this one.  flamboyant teal, gold, and pink all the way.  because what you’re looking at is just dirt.  and where’s the flair in that?  also, on each end of the room were hidden little gossip closets.  each one done in a different theme.  this one was pink.  i think the other one was done up in chinese papers.  i thought they were quite romantic.  until someone mentioned that was most likely where they hid the potty.

last we got to poke around upstairs.  victoria’s bedroom was closed but we got to see her mother’s adjoining room.  it was fun to come home and finally watch “the young victoria.”  especially since a lot of it was filmed at blenheim.  been there!

the conservatory ’round back.  i guess this is the happening spot for weddings.  as you can only imagine.

although it really is much less imposing inside.

anyways, we were very pleased with our visit.  the duchess has things nailed down.  who, coincidentally, is also the matron of “hogwarts.”  the dear lady has taken all the money from those wretched films and sank it into remodeling her castle.  if you couldn’t tell, the place needed it.  i hear she has her eye on syon park next.  the tour guides live in constant fear. don’t mess with the missus.  if only all the historic homes in england had her breathing down their necks.  maybe they would dust more.

p.s.  oh yes, and the interior glamor shots aren’t mine.  no cameras allowed.  hence, all images stolen for your viewing pleasure.  you’re welcome.


1 Response to “syon park”

  1. 1 The Last of England | The Bucket Woman Trackback on February 8, 2014 at 11:02 pm
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