dirty camping

i made my obligatory pilgrimage to the “woods” last weekend.  my verdict remains the same; camping is for psychopaths.  not that i’m against nature, i’m just against “camping” in nature.  it defies common sense.  i have a nice kitchen here.  in my house.  my bathroom doesn’t need six different air fresheners, all apparently to no avail.  i have a washing machine. and get this, a water heater.  if you want to go out in nature, that’s great.  grab your hatchet.  or, on the other hand, i guess you could fill up three minivans, two pickup trucks, six coolers, one camper, one trailer, and one kia economy car.  but that would be dumb.  not to mention, horribly inconvenient.  my solution?  don’t send women camping.  send the boys.  as soon as you invite the girls they want to bring stuff.  honey, you already have your stuff.  they already chopped down all the trees and built your house, paved the dirt, and gave you plumbing and wal-mart.  because you didn’t like nature.  remember?

of course, my disenchantment could stem from my habit of camping with 22 people at once.  and i’m not saying it isn’t fun, i’m just saying it provides for bad logistics.  i am sure the happy american family of four might fare better.  and as boring and docile as it sounds, at least it would be manageable.  still, i prefer my solution.  stay home.    i’d gladly hold down the fort and prepare all your dehydrated camping food if it meant i could send you off for a week in the uncharted wilderness to build character and fortitude.  …as opposed to the national park system where you could sustain an artificial and illogical lifestyle based on the inglorious motto, “pack it in, pack it out” – while i do the packing.  besides, it’s garishly expensive.  the gear, the wardrobe, the supplies, the ice, the special food, the fees, the gas, the vacation time – fun is so overrated.  and it’s all just molly coddling.  especially when you bring mom.  yep, next time i’m staying home.  reuben, natalie, boy, and the scromtards can take one change of clothes and some dried beans to the sawtooth mountains and do an overnighter.  it’s called roughing it.  see, they’re more than happy to be dirty, eat crackers, not wash their hair, or be obliged to remember any number of kitchen accouterments.  i am not so easy.  if they didn’t have to bring the women they would have more adventure, build more character, have more fun, encounter more “nature,” and have spent less money doing so.  as far as i’m concerned, our modern equivalent of camping is really no different than getting your kicks at disneyland or roaring springs.  it’s a farce.  the only honest thing left to do is break down and buy an rv.

rant aside, here are the pictures if you didn’t see them already on facebook.  the birthday boy.  he turns eight tomorrow.

i did send gideon on an overnight hike, much to the protest of the grandmas.  what did i tell you?

fishing.  another incomprehensible form of recreation.  i especially like how everything has to be “stocked.”  you let them go so you can catch them again?

tractor papa made sure everyone caught a fish.

i liked how zahara went all p.e.t.a. in this picture.  like she just didn’t try to kill the weenie dog six times in the previous two days.

my favorite.

oh yes, and do you know what else happens when you take women camping?  they wash their hair in the salmon river.  seriously.  (don’t tell.)  i was like, “natalie, the water truck goes by every five minutes to keep dust from getting in the river.  and you go and dump in a bottle of phosphates.”  her response, “well i think my hair looks nice.”   then my mother walks by holding a bottle of shampoo, “you mean i can’t wash my hair in the river?”  i know, like what’s it there for?

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4 Responses to “dirty camping”


  1. 1 Grandma Sandy June 19, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    I think you might have forgotten that you will be back in Riggins on July 21st to go camping with Aunt Mitzy. So buck up child

  2. 2 Grandma Sandy June 19, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    Unpacked your dad’s suitcase and he never used anything out of it. He was totally content to wear the same clothes 4 days in a row and I was too preoccupied with grandchildren to notice.

  3. 3 mavis June 19, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    i know, if it weren’t for me standing there being bothered by the fact that my children were filthy, no one else would care. that is, if you weren’t there either. 😉 those 7 loads of laundry were what was recreational.


  1. 1 Snow Shack | The Bucket Woman Trackback on August 3, 2014 at 5:05 pm
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