do you know the feeling you get when you see some fellow in a jacked up pick-up? the “oh my goodness, what a dork. why don’t you just hang some testicles from the ball hitch?” sensation. anyways, i get the same feeling whenever i encounter reformed christians dropping the not so subtle hint about the guinness they had last night and how it makes them tight with jesus. just came to me. thought i would share.

or, my dear and loving husband. i’m sorry it had to come to this, but i’m running out of things to choose from. i still think it is a funny photo. i was chatting at my girlfriend’s house sometime last summer, i came out and there he was laid out in her yard.

i was talking to him today about where we want to be in ten years, you know life goals and the like (what kind of kitchen appliances you hope to have :). after not getting any response, i finally asked him, “well, where would you like to be when you’re forty?” he looked at me with the dumbest look, “i don’t know, i’d settle for ‘alive’ i guess…..heck, i’d settle for dead.” it’s hard working with so much bottled ambition. i’m never going to get my aga at this rate.

no kidding? i swore it was tuesday. a very unsavory development indeed.

and can’t have. naturally.

is it just not cool to make prints if you’re a real artist? what’s the deal? do i have to wait for him to die first? i wouldn’t mind, i don’t like him. i just want the picture.

“i see you have some exposed root on that cap. let me test it for sensitivity by sticking some liquid nitrogen on it and you tell me if it hurts.” i should have mentioned that it hurts when i breathe and then we could have skipped that step. by the way, there is still no camera. here is an old picture of the little girl’s hand. she sat on my lap the whole time and made googly faces at the dentist. then she pooped on me.

this weekend i painted the bathroom and suctioned spiders out of cracks in the basement. and while that was fun, the rest of my house seemed to suffer from some kind of rabid entropy. now i have to go clean paint and spaghetti out of the kitchen sink and play diaper soccer. (the diaper pail is outside which sometimes makes for slow migration. unless gideon is close, then i chuck them at his head and he carries them out. like a good boy.)

“lady, just because women dream it up doesn’t mean we make it.”

back when boy and i kicked it in an 18 foot airstream. it was dreamy. except for the minute and a half of hot water and sharing a twin bed. then there was sharing the twin bed pregnant. naturally, the best was yet to come - sharing the bed with a minuscule, half-baked monkey who was up all night. so i don’t really miss it. at least i got the picture.

in otto news, yesterday i pulled up our half-hearted attempt at reconstituting the lawn. i will put down some new seed today. i also scrubbed all the floors, used up the last drop of laundry soap, and put in my order for 170 feet of baseboard. just have to knock out the bathroom today and call it good. then maybe i will hang out and read because i’ve been sick all week. i wonder if i have an ear infection, or if it just hurts because i can’t keep all manner of sharp, poky objects out of my ear canal. that’s my husband’s vote.

actually, it was yesterday. 268 posts with 48,000 happy viewers. (well, except for all those hunting for porn. my apologies to those whose search for “hooters” and ended up with nursing covers. very disappointing, i understand.) which reminds me, the only reason anyone visits me is for that stinkin’ tutorial. i feel so unloved. but i did find this sweet apron at hancock fabrics to give away. i must like some of you.

just leave your name and email. i was going to sew something, i swear. but my internal calendar was over a week off. almost missed it altogether.

almost forgot, i will draw for the apron on thursday. right before i head out of town on the weekend to my little brother’s graduation.

this is how i found him. and amazingly enough, no one else had dibs, so i snatched him right up. but that’s another story.

and sad to say, i don’t have time for stories. i have to go scrape up the mush that is embedded in my particle board floor and wash all the window frames. but i thought i would put up something, was feeling guilty.

they are disgusting and smell like cat piss. i spent all day rooting through one. found all kinds of exciting things.

(she’s missing her leg, by the way. so we decided to let her go even though she was kind of hot.) you can check my picasa for our two week progress. boy got the yard tilled and seeded. i picked a bazillion rocks out of the front yard, painted, and did some grocery shopping. all three kids fell asleep in the car on the way to winco. boy sat out in the parking lot with them and ended up watching ducks duke it out. a bereaved male duck was fending off some sicko, hot-shot ducks. they were trying to peck out his dead girlfriends eyes while she was all laid out in the middle of the sidewalk. meanwhile a gimpy, one-legged duck flopped around the perimeter, cheering them on. i thought it was a very sad story.