there are certain expectations people have of you when you come from my family. unfortunately, i don’t meet all of them. you have to admit i try though. really.
just not that hard. sorry natalie.
reuben is convinced i need a gun. and who can resist? so here we are trying to decide which i liked better; his ruger whatchamacallit or his revolver whatchamacallit.
and what i have it narrowed down to is how easy it is to clean and economy. we were looking at a browning buck mark pistol versus a taurus revolver at the store and i asked the dude about the buck mark, i said, “how do i clean this here gun?” he said, “well first, you get a screwdriver and take out these screws on top…blah, blah, and then (get this) you put it in a ziplock bag.” yes, you know, so the spring doesn’t pop out and shoot you in the eye. right, this had natalie laughing. do we look like matt damon or something? like we could do this in under 30 seconds blindfolded? revolvers may be a little trickier to shoot, but i am not taking a gun apart (with my screwdriver) every time i shoot something. unless they make dishwashers for guns, then no. as for economy, i don’t know if you knew this, but guns shoot money. so we’re voting for .22 long rifle. because if i was going to literally throw money at something, it’s not going to be a pop can. it’s going to be the people at home depot who install formica or those fine folks at williams and sonoma.
fortunately i’m surrounded by people who can set me straight, otherwise we wouldn’t be having this conversation at all.
here is reuben. who went out and bought john wayne’s lever action rifle for no other reason than it’s hot. that’s mans for you. they have no idea how to spend money. which is why they marry womens. and perhaps why reuben isn’t married…. well, actually, i could think of a few more reasons. hygiene and the whole deaf/mute thing might be among them.
and this is my jael.
she means to shoot what she aims at. and she means to shoot it dead, since she emptied the whole magazine in like 5 seconds.
how fun was that? what a sweetheart.
of course you would wonder why i would want a gun at all?
simply because it’s the right thing to do. indeed. i remember i was walking into winco once, alongside this fellow wearing a firearm and holster, which happened to co-ordinate with his shoes and belt. (i notice these things.) anyways this jaunty, little guy with red sideburns, a trilby hat, and a plaid shirt tucked neatly into his dockers, was carrying a gun into winco. and he looked good. i would have married him right there. but that’s beside the point. the point is that i was like, “this guy is seriously wearing his gun into the grocery store? can you even do that?” and guess what? americans have the right to bear arms. no way! which made me think again, if we are actually shocked that we are allowed to have such a right at all…then what are the odds of us getting to keep it? we don’t think people should have guns because the people who do are complete nut jobs. (reference the above photos.) on the other hand, if the people who had guns were sexy leprechaun redheads, who knew how to tuck in their shirts and had exceptional posture – well then, we’d be handing out guns on the street corners. ”please, take one. the world needs you.” if you aren’t a freak, i would guess you should man up and do your duty. don’t let the rednecks and otherwise unsavory give firearms a bad name. being able to have and carry a gun is a hard won privilege, respect it a little. and see if it doesn’t return the favor.
so far the plan is to find a gun that is small enough to carry while still being mildly accurate. at which point i would like to get a few girls together in town for a monthly tea/gun date at the shooting range. i don’t aspire to be another bad-ass who likes to shoot things and has pictures of deer, bass, and babes on the back of my truck. instead i want to make people think, make people reconsider. and the best way to do that is in heels. naturally.
as far as i can tell, every upstanding citizen should have a gun and know how to use it. when people are clamoring to take guns away they need to be able to see that they’re not just taking them away from the fellow in the wife beater, but from the middle aged lady in the pencil skirt with the five kids. it should be more obvious that they are not taking away a liability, but a hard won and well respected privilege. make it look like it.